December 7, 2010

Needing an Uplift but not on my face...

I guess I need some sort of encouragement.  

I haven't been happy lately....

I don't know why this is getting to me so incredibly bad but I hate feeling like this.  

I've taken it to the Lord and it still remains.  

I am waiting for His supernatural grace to complete me.  

I know He's given it to me but it still gets so hard. 

You wonder what's hard....

Well....
I guess it's the whole thing of not having my own place,
 not having much money, 
not being able to shop for groceries to make my own meals,
 not having my husband to join our evening routine 
or sitting around the dinner table after he gets home from work, 
 having to share the house with others all the time,  
In need of some time alone,
 flexibility, 
thoughts I'm not doing enough around to help my in-laws,
   beating myself up for not doing a better job as a mother around my in-laws
thinking I'm acting like such a weak Christian and what in the world is wrong with me??
 thinking I'm being darn selfish for wanting money and my own home
Been having incredible bouts with stress and anger
feeling hopeless
feeling like a burden
 I am always in the brink of tears throughout the day.  
To make myself better I clean alot and keep myself busy doing stuff like crafts, sewing with the children.  But there are days like today when I walk around getting very little accomplished and feeling angry....
  and not wanting to do one craft and just staying quiet, yet snapping at the kids.

So you see how this thing is really getting to me? 
This is my first time making this public 
 I am really feeling done with this whole journey. 

My husband has been applying for jobs but I still wonder how much longer are we going to journey.
Man....I sound like the complaining Israelites!!  
 I am taking all of this to serious prayer because my heart is not right.  
Please pray for my heart to be at peace and for the Lord to direct our path soon enough. 

Oh and btw...
I turned 40 on the 4th!
and I got my haircut
shorter than what I've had in a long while.  


This is me with my half smile....
my eye on the right is a bit swollen for some reason so I covered it with my sassy hair...
ha ha...

If you look behind me.... those stars are the Advent stars we made to observe Advent this month.
Each star has a Messianic scripture.
They are all over the wall....silver and gold!!
It's rather pretty and encouraging...maybe I need to read some of those.
  

5 comments:

Mrs. A said...

You look very beautiful with your new haircut. I'll be praying for your heart!

God bless you!

Keelie said...

Chris--
First of all, I LOVE your hair!! It is really a great look for you. I can't even tell that's a half smile:)

Second, I am sorry you are going through this. I truly am. It breaks my heart to read that you feel a certain way and you don't want to but there doesn't seem to be anything to do about it. It kind of sounds like you've lost your hope. Although I know you really haven't LOST your hope, I know what that feels like and it can be really tricky to find sometimes.

Philipians 4:11,12
I have learned the secret to being content in any and every situation--whether well fed or hungry, living in plenty or in want. I can do anything through Christ who gives me strength...is one verse that comes to mind

Psalm 5:11-12
Let all those rejoice who put their trust in You; Let them ever shout for joy, because You defend them; Let those also who love Your name Be joyful in You. For You, O LORD, will bless the righteous; With favor You will surround him as with a shield.

James 1:2-4
Consider it pure joy when you face trials of many kinds because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

Go ahead and start praising Him, Chris, because He is up to something great for you!! Without what you are going through now, you would be incomplete and lacking.You may want to hit me right now; I know it is easy for an outsider to come in and start quoting scripture and be all cheery, but I'm not just blowing smoke up your rear! This is the TRUTH and you know it.

Psalm 55:22
Cast your burden on the LORD, And He shall sustain you; He shall never permit the righteous to be moved.

He will bear your burden. Go ahead and get some sunshine everyday, do some crafting everyday, EXERCISE everyday. All of that will make you feel better and just keep praying and trusting. He will come through for you. Father knows best.

I love you and I will be praying for you. You have been a world of encouragement to me and it means so much.

Have a good day:)
Keelie

momto9 said...

Your feelings are NORMAL...all of them. The best thing IS to find some time to pray pray pray and cry your heart out to God!! He wont fail you in giving comfort and direction!

love ya!

PS: Love the hair cut!

The Not So Perfect Housewife said...

Praying for you. I've dealt A LOT with seasonal depression. It was HORRIBLE when we lived in MD and got better when we moved to FL, but it still comes on here and there.
Keeping yourself busy is good and drawing close the Lord is even better.
Our church is doing a video series of Louie Giglio (sp?). They are amazing. If you can google him or youtube him you may be able to find something that could encourage you..

blessings

Cinnamon said...

Love your cute new style~~

Keep your chin up, your thoughts on good things and love in your heart. God has a plan and a path for you and your family. Hang on for the ride and He will delivery you safely :-)

Hugs~ Cinnamon