December 14, 2010

Joyful Mother wasn't very Joyful....

A short little post to let you know I AM OK!! 

I know the last post was rather hopeless than hopeful.   I am doing much better and I do feel like there has been a bit of a breakthrough in my attitude.  I have been letting every little thing on this journey bother me so very much.  It doesn't matter what it wass....it was bothering me.  I was even snappy to my mother-in-law the other day and it wasn't very pretty or Christ Like at all!!  :(   

I am so very thankful my mom-in-law loves me unconditionally and embraces me even when I am ugly.  Seriously!  I was letting everything bother me!!  I had been making myself out to be a burden or a "visitor" rather than a daughter.  I wasn't allowing myself to be accepted rather I was making myself out to be a burden.  A burden that no one had put on me.  I did this to myself by listening to the enemy's lies.  After a good talk with my mom-in-law and with the Lord, I realized the ugliness in my heart. 
 I shed quite a few tears.  

I realized also that I felt so out of control in this whole journey.  I found myself like a woman in labor needing something to change quick or else I DONT KNOW WHAT I WILL DO!!!  ha ha... 
 I gotta laugh because this is how I had been feeling. 
Ok...and maybe still do a bit if I let myself...  :( 

And...
I hadn't been seeking the Lord with honest faith but rather with fear and anxiety.  My actions have not been Christ-Like and know this had to change.  I know I have to make an honest to God effort to CHOOSE the right thing rather than go down a road of darkness.  Darkness only leads to sin.  

I didn't mean to confess my heart......but this Joyful Mother wasn't very joyful.  
But....but....but.....
I have seen a light of hope and I will follow this because I know the true Joy is there!!


And what else gives me Joy....my children!!



Seriously....
Why be unhappy when you dwell with these cuties who do such lovely things for their mommy's birthday!


10 comments:

Cinnamon said...

Happy Birthday!!

hugs~Cinnamon

The Angulo's said...

Aww...So precious. Happy Birthday! Thank you for stopping by our new blog and following. You are a dear friend to me,(hugs).

Don't beat yourself up about your attitude. God will help you get through it. At just the right time God helps us.

God bless you.

Mrs. A (Rosemi)

momto9 said...

happy happy birthday dear friend! Glad you're feeling a bit better and had a nice chat with your mom in law.

How is the job situation and what not?

momto9 said...

oh and how old are you now?

Mrs. Taffy said...

You are a TREASURE to everybody who knows you!

Merry Christmas Sweet Friend!

love and hugs,
CB

mommyx12 said...

Children do bring joy don't they. Happy birthday to obviously a wonderful mommy!

The Not So Perfect Housewife said...

So glad you are feeling better.
I remember reading somewhere about the part in Psalms about walking in the shadow of death~
It stated that God is still there - that's where the shadow comes from.. without light.. there would be no shadow..
I'm going a terrible time conveying this.. but it always gives me hope to keep walking during the dark time.

Blessings

covnitkepr1 said...

And again...Happy Birthday.
I have added myself to follow your blog. You are more than welcome to visit my blog and become a follower also.

Coby said...

You said something that really pierced me: "I hadn't been seeking the Lord with honest faith but rather with fear and anxiety." How often do I seek the Lord with fear while faith takes a backseat?

Sounds like you had some breakthroughs and revelations! Happy Birthday, and thank you for being so transparent.

GatorMama said...

Happy Birthday! I hope you have Happy Holidays as well.