October 3, 2010

Expressing My Heart...

Hello my fellow blog friends or sisters rather.
I feel good about calling you sisters because when you are reading up on my life, I know you are praying for me.  You even might have a thought of me during the day.  I know because I think of you all often.  Seriously!!  :)  It is kinda freaky, funny that I have these "virtual" bloggy friends who I truly love and think about on a regular basis.....While vacuuming the floor, washing dishes, folding laundry or even while schooling my children....you all come into mind.  I had a thought of doing a blog post on my bloggy friends.  Maybe in the coming months.....we'll see.  :)

Anyhow....life has been interesting over here in the country. 
Very different environment than I am used to.  I love the tranquility of it all and being nestled in amongst 3 acres of land.  I can see cows grazing outside my window.   Two little goats eating up the grass right next door, right up next to their bright red barn.  In my view are rolling hills with beautiful oaks and a palm tree oasis.  Truly beautiful and so peaceful!

The other day I was feeling rather bummed. 
Not sure why.  I feel like the enemy has been digging up whatever insecurities I might be dealing with and magnifying them 20 times.  I know that sounds huge, but that's how it has felt.   I don't know if it's due to hormones or our situation living in another home (which I really doubt that is it).  I think that when my emotions are sensitive I tend to magnify the circumstances around me.  Circumstances being: not being in my "own" home; not having money to buy our "own" things; only having one vehicle; or maybe everyone thinks this or that about me; Or maybe they flat out don't like me.  Yeah...lots of junk floods my mind. 

What am I doing to help myself?  
Well....I go to the Lord.  Most times lately it's been in tears and frustration.  I know my thoughts are not right so I discuss this emotional instability with the Lord.  The other day I went for a walk in the middle of my day.  I walked the land then sat right down next to the fence which borders the goats.  I sat there and just meditated on my life.  Of course my immediate thoughts and conversation with the Lord was focused on my needs and wants.  Such as frustrations speaking like:  I needed to "do" something more in my life.   And asking such questions as to "why" are we still here...  Etc...etc.   It was one of those fleshly moments in my life (which have been more and more lately).  Ha ha! 

As I sat there watching the goats graze, the butterfly flutter, and the birds sing....I thought about how they have no care in the world.  They are so very content to do what God created them to do.  Then the Lord spoke to my heart about my life.

You are a delight in my eyes.... in my heart.
I know you feel like exploring the world or doing more. 
But I'm guiding you, leading and showing you things in your character and heart that need work. 
Allow me to show you the work to be done in your very heart.  
Molding and changing and taking out all insecurities so that I can do my greater works in your life.
  Do not fret.  
Do not be frustrated but enjoy each and every moment...every day of this season you are in and learn from Me. 
Love is one of your biggest things to learn this season.  

I was brought to tears as I sang the Lords words from my mouth.  There are times I take a notepad and scribble His words to me and then there are times when I just sing what He is saying to me.  It really is beautiful and I feel His presence so heavy on my heart.  It is amazing!  His amazing love and grace floods me. 

I really needed to express my heart on this post.  I know these were ramblings but this is what I would say if we sat down with a cup of coffee or tea in hand.  I would share these same things with you dear sisters.  The Lord is amazing and doing an amazing work in my heart.  Teaching me lots on love....more so in loving myself.....understanding what love is.  Also allowing the Lord's Will to be done and being content in His will no matter what it takes.  These are things I am learning.  I am also learning not to read into peoples thoughts and assume the worst. (I usually think they might be thinking something negative about me).  Yeah...I know that sounds pathetic, but these are the insecurities the Lord is taking out of me. 

Gotta run...family is calling .

Loving all of you!!

Chris xoxo


momto9 said...

It was precious to read of whats in your heart. I have the same thoughts and insecurities often also and it helps so much to step back and think on my life a bit. God always speaks to my heart also and I return to real life refreshed and with a new perspective.
I think of you often too...I even mentioned you to my husband as we were discussing finances and the things we need to do to reduce cost of living for a while.

Amanda said...

oh Chris!! How I enjoyed reading this post... it was beautiful and it all made perfect sense.

That photo of the sun through the trees was breathtaking. What a glorious site my friend.

Living in the situation you are now in, is no accident or decision of your own. He has guided you thus far. He has His reasons and purposes in all that He has been orchestrating in your precious life.

I know you know that, but I wanted to remind you. ;)

I love my bloggy friends and think about them, just as you said you do. I am amazed at how they can feel like my face to face friends, no different at all. That's the power of His Spirit I believe. No distance in the Spirit.

Bless you and hugs and love to you...

ps I am glad we made connection just before all this new chapter started taking place... because I get to enjoy your journey with you, seeing the work of His hand in your life.

Mrs. Taffy said...

We all go through times of insecurities and questioning...I've been pretty blah-zay myself lately! But God is SO Good! What a blessing that He spoke to you and confirmed His love to you! What joy! What peace! You are such a treasure and I'm so thankful to know you here in bloggy land!

The Mayo Family said...

Good morning dear sis....
This is so sweet & you are so real & for me this morn... I will share that about why I am drawn to come back & visit! :)(I do not always comment)
You see we can all "look good" on a blog....however I feel for myself, God has taken us to certain "blog friends" for HIS purpose & for us to grow in HIM and use these 'friendships' for HIS GLORY! In whatever way we are to do...I have shared your life situation (if you will) with someone to encourage them in the fact of...there are many going through these days with our hubby's work in these situations & look at this family how they are handling this and all along continuing to 'follow the Lord & trust'! So, yes dear one I do think about many of my blogger friends and think about them, pray for them, share about them!
Now if all only lived closer! Ha! Would'nt that be nice! Well, for us God has allowed our family to meet a few b-families and we have been blessed. In these days we should all be thankful for the ones God does weave into the tapestry of our lives! I am thankful for you & your family is a blessing!
Have a great week!

Peggy said...

Blessings Chris... You don't know me but I just wanted to tell you how this truly blessed me to read as if you were sitting there, sharing your heart in person with me. It was most precious to read this!

I came here from a comment that you left at Amanda's Secret Garden. I just wanted to tell you, I felt the same way about "The Shack" and from how others were down, but you are so right, different things minister to people in a different way and it also ministered to me and brought healing and enjoyment!(contrary to others)

I love how you listen when God spoke to your heart and I'm so glad that He does and you are REAL with us! I loved how you share! God bless you and your family!!!

Cinnamon said...

I love your post of how you walked out and met the Lord. Isn't that just what he wants us to do? Come seeking Him, listening intently and rejoicing over HIS words to us.

What a blessing!!


Rosemi said...

Aww, thank you for sharing this. Don't worry my hormones have been doing the same thing but really I know that I need to be more vigilant of my thoughts. Chris, I went in a jealous rage and snapped a dvd of my hubby's because of some beautiful actress I thought he was admiring. That was after I prayed. I'm glad God was in control and we made up and went to bed. God is so wonderful to us when we remember to ask His help.