Joyful Mother wasn't very Joyful....

A short little post to let you know I AM OK!! 

I know the last post was rather hopeless than hopeful.   I am doing much better and I do feel like there has been a bit of a breakthrough in my attitude.  I have been letting every little thing on this journey bother me so very much.  It doesn't matter what it wass....it was bothering me.  I was even snappy to my mother-in-law the other day and it wasn't very pretty or Christ Like at all!!  :(   

I am so very thankful my mom-in-law loves me unconditionally and embraces me even when I am ugly.  Seriously!  I was letting everything bother me!!  I had been making myself out to be a burden or a "visitor" rather than a daughter.  I wasn't allowing myself to be accepted rather I was making myself out to be a burden.  A burden that no one had put on me.  I did this to myself by listening to the enemy's lies.  After a good talk with my mom-in-law and with the Lord, I realized the ugliness in my heart. 

 I shed quite a few tears.  

I realized also that I felt so out of control in this whole journey.  I found myself like a woman in labor needing something to change quick or else I DONT KNOW WHAT I WILL DO!!!  ha ha... 

 I gotta laugh because this is how I had been feeling. 

Ok...and maybe still do a bit if I let myself...  :( 

And...

I hadn't been seeking the Lord with honest faith but rather with fear and anxiety.  My actions have not been Christ-Like and know this had to change.  I know I have to make an honest to God effort to CHOOSE the right thing rather than go down a road of darkness.  Darkness only leads to sin.  

I didn't mean to confess my heart......but this Joyful Mother wasn't very joyful.  

But....but....but.....

I have seen a light of hope and I will follow this because I know the true Joy is there!!

And what else gives me Joy....my children!!

Seriously....

Why be unhappy when you dwell with these cuties who do such lovely things for their mommy's birthday!