June 12, 2010

living a beautiful life

I need to express myself today
I am feeling a bit.....I don't know complex
yeah....i guess that's the word to use

soooo.......i'm doing this search
trying to discover myself yet again :)

it can get a bit complex
i guess.....that's how i am making it at this very moment
a bit complex

well it all happened because a neighbor of mine came by
i'm not upset because she came by and caught me looking like I stepped out of
a garbage can
not at all...

thank god she didn't dare walk over the dirt and mud my children have created in my front yard

she stayed in her nice air conditioned SUV
with her hair all nicely done
she probably smelled really nice
she had
pretty make up
her nails and toes were probably manicured
she just rolled down the window and asked if her son was over

he wasn't

I had just walked out
to yell at the dog

the dog always seems to sneak out to the front and terrorize everyone who walks near our home
and she looks skinny because she rather eat sticks than her dog food

but to find my neighbor.....

actually i probably wouldn't of minded if it was just her

she had a friend with her, who looked just like her
maybe they were sisters
does she even have a sister?


i had a huge wet spot on my shirt
i need an apron
a dirty diaper in my hand
my hair a mess...
sorta like the picture of my drive

then the baby runs out in her dirty, stained shirt
my neighbor
sorta gave me "a look" with a slight smile....
maybe i'm reading into it to much
then she gave me simple
"bye" and drove away

I wonder what they talked about as they drove off???


maybe their conversation went like this.....

(all with a southern, valley girl accent of course)
"yeah, that's my neighbor with the eight kids"
"oh boy...she needs some serious help....she looks awful!"

"that's what happens when you have too many children"

Okay.....maybe they didn't say anything at alllllllll
or they said this

"oh, what a saint to raise 8 children"
"she is a really nice lady"
"I need to talk to her some more"

why am i so darn bothered by these ladies seeing me in my
"moment of motherhood"

do i have some serious issues??
do i have low self esteem??
i do need to lose 50 pounds....

you know what i need to do.....???

i need to take in this moment and say
thank you lord!!

you have given me such an awesome life
a joy
a peace

maybe I don't have
the nice nails
freshly cut hair
smooth feet

grass in my front yard

for now mud will do

so my soul searching continues

a searching to find out the true meaning of living a wonderful and fulfilled life

a beauty i find in the
smiles of my children

even the stinky diapers

the dirty floors that never seem to get cleaned


the dirt that never seems to grow grass
for you will always find running and playing....

a running and playing that never gets dull

....and the throwing of the sticks to the skinny dog


Can't forget:

the love my husband shares with me every night

it is truly the simplicity of my life
the delighting in the moments that God brings daily


so my soul searching continues
as I learn to really love who i am and live my life


Mrs. Taffy said...

Yes! In God's kingdom everything is backwards! A messy yard full of children and a momma living her life to serve her family...God sees beauty in that. It confounds the world...they don't get it! It's our secret, our freedom. Freedom to know that we are living for and through the King, not for and through the world!

You are the woman that those "perfect" women can come to and be themselves and share their struggles because you aren't perfect--they want your freedom! They want to let their hair down and play with their children and love their husband for who he is, not for what he provides!

You are the aroma of life leading to life! 2 Corinthians 2:14-15 Some people can't get enough of that fragrance, others, it scares half to death!

Let your soul rejoice in the Lord!


mommyx12 said...

So you were 'caught' while in the middle of life!! Been there done that. Back in the day when I only had 7 children a neighbor who had 3 told me once, "I have a feeling that having 7 children should be comparable to having 3 so I can really relate to you!"

I don't think so!!

My husband suggested I send 4 of ours over for a visit and have them bring along their dirty laundry so she could it. Then have them stay for dinner and have the mom clean up after the extra 4!!

Stacie, A Firefighter's Wife said...

I've found people either think I am crazy or a saint. I'm neither. I'm obedient! God asked it of me and I know he will give me the strength I need to do it.

I sometimes go down that path when I see people whispering behind their hands. It's obvious what they are saying. My hubby just looks at me and says, "who cares what they think." He's right. I am to please the Lord, not man.

God bless you Sweet Sister. Our blessings are many, aren't they?